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1. |
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And every time I look inside I see
The light that burns my eyes
It keeps me up at night each time
I think about what is inside
The day comes round, I've still not found
The answers to all of that sound
Advice that all my friends dispense
When everything is coming down
Covering up my nature
Is such a sweet surrender
Symptomatic of my state
Or maybe just a passing phase
Either way I'm blacknailed today
Either way I'm blacknailed today
The looks I get they just upset my mind
And I can't help these inside lies
Covering up myself on the outside
Helps to make the day go by
I chip, chip, chip it off every night
And see the white light there behind
The darkness I use on the outside
Every day just to feel fine
Covering up my nature
Is such a sweet surrender
Symptomatic of my state
Or maybe just a passing phase
Either way I'm blacknailed today
Either way I'm blacknailed today
Creeping down town at the last hour just to be quiet
To be alone and scared like I am most of the time
I’ll wear this haunted stereotype disguise
Until the day I change my mind
Until the day I change my mind
Until I can let my light shine
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2. |
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Something inside keeps pushing me down
While you're so high your feet can't touch the ground
All of the colours that I'm using now
Are blurring together into bleak greys and browns
How can you be so happy
How can you feel so fine
Knowing I'm just getting worse all the time?
Black skies and aches follow me around
While you're sucking up the happiness that you've found
Meanwhile injecting all my fears and doubts
Has become my daily ritual anyhow.
How can you be so happy
How can you feel so fine
Knowing I'm just getting worse all the time?
My daily dose just don't touch me now
Last cigarette I wish would last an hour
The mirror told me "Son, you'd best work out
Just how the hell you're going to get back now."
Memories of love haunt me at night
While you're forgetting all our tears and smiles
"You won't fuck me up, you won't hear me sigh."
I keep telling myself while all my resolve dies.
How can you be so happy
How can you feel so fine
Knowing I'm just getting worse all the time?
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3. |
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I feel the day is coming and I think it's soon
When I won't be replaceable for you,
I know I'm not like other fools
But I love you girl, that much you know is true.
So keep it all and keep it in,
I'm going to show you all of my sin.
I can't believe it for anyone else,
I've got to believe it for myself.
You rose me up and rebuilt my dreams,
You smile at my references and give me your need.
So I never speak of what's inside,
The silent memories always on my mind.
I'll keep it in
Behind my smile
If you'll just stay girl, just for a while.
I can't believe it for anyone else,
I've got to believe it for myself.
I've spent some time cutting myself up over you
And now I only feel worse for it
I only miss you more.
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4. |
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4 hours: I board the train,
Sleep clings in my eyes
I find a seat and settle down
To hibernate.
Sleep comes quick and I swim in my dreams
The excitement of meeting you my dear.
3 hours: starting to drift
In and out of my sleep.
The air's so close in this coach
And it's making me sick.
Can't focus now, imagine your touch,
There isn't much that I can do.
2 hours: everything aches
And I'm at a loose end.
Bored to tears, all my fears
And nerves are intense.
Inside I'm desperate and hollow,
This journey's way too slow.
1 hour: drums beat in my chest.
My lungs burn with every breath.
Body shaking at the final mile.
I'm going to leap from this train
Right into your saving grace.
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5. |
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I asked you what you'd say
If I gave you love today
But I'm just talking to myself
I told you all my fears
That have haunted me for years
But I'm just talking to myself
I tried to get a clue
To be good enough for you
I'm just talking to myself
I try to make you smile
Even though it's not worthwhile
But I'm just talking to myself
Never seems to register with you
In one ear then out the other too
I can't look you in the eye
And tell you that you're alright
I'm just talking to myself
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6. |
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I keep it in the blood and in the vein.
No desire to let it out,
No desire to blame.
I am not a pleasant dream,
I am not what I seem.
I am a mistake,
Mistake for you,
I find it hard to deal.
I know it's not just me, there's more the same,
I don't think I'm unique
Just another one in pain.
I am not alone in fear,
It just seems so fucking clear
That I am a mistake,
Mistake for you,
I find it hard to deal with change.
This life's not mine; it's just a place without you.
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7. |
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I'm so tired of you
I hate me
I'm so mired by you
I'd kill me
One more drag
As you drag me down
You can keep it all
I couldn't care less
You have filled me
With your bitterness
One more drag
As you drag me down
One more drag
As you drag me down
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8. |
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You have this effect that disables me
And, just for a moment, I will freeze.
I picture you, I get lost in your eyes
And if I can't see you I feel twisted up inside.
Everything fits (just like I want it to)
Chest aches for you, I wait for your voice,
Afraid of the silence, I wait for your choice
To call and remind me I'm not a fool,
To see past my stupid face and say "I love you"
Everything fits (just like I want it to)
There must be a million ways for me to say
I love you, but I don't know them all.
And now I love to watch you sleep
Your silence smiling back at me
Love makes you say pathetic things
But right now I don't care what anybody thinks.
Everything fits (just like I want it to)
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9. |
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You were the one who would always say that there was nothing wrong,
You always knew that your sentiments were anything but true
And I was sure that I knew you but I was just what you were used to.
You turned it all into a tedious ride that we could not get off,
You let it grow too familiar for the happiness to show
And I was sure that I knew you but I was just what you were used to.
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10. |
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What did you get out of therapy?
Did it erase all the pain you see?
Is there a deep-rooted hate for me
Inside your soul which no one can see?
"Thank you but no medicine for me,
I'm not as twisted as I used to be."
And you're so calm as you smile dumbly,
You owe it all to your therapy.
And now you're desperate to be happy,
The bullshit's washed up completely
And all your friends see what you can't see
You needed so much more than therapy.
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